


the after credits

by academmia



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders Angst, Depression, Fluff, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Talks of Death, talks of suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2020-09-16
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:55:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26489035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/academmia/pseuds/academmia
Summary: Falling in Love with Roman was easy.But years later, when the glow of their relationship has dimmed, Roman is drifting, and Virgil doesn’t know how to help him. It feels like the two of them are farther apart than ever.Falling in love was simple, but the two of them are still trying to figure out what happens after.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders
Comments: 6
Kudos: 48





	the after credits

Lately, Roman’s been fading. 

Virgil can’t quite put his finger on it. Maybe it’s the way Roman’s showers have been getting a little longer every day. Or the fact that when Virgil drifts off to sleep it’s not to the smell of Roman’s favorite cologne. Or the way Roman’s friends keep calling Virgil asking where Roman’s been. Or how now when Roman says “I love you,” he sounds like it’s the last time he’s gonna say it. The way his smiles don’t sparkle anymore and the light in his eyes has gone dark.

Virgil is so so scared that one day his boyfriend isn’t going to be there. That one day the biggest part of his life will just be another photo on the wall. That Disney music won’t blast through the halls and he’ll have to start making his own iced coffee. That one day he’ll way up and their bed will be freezing cold because Roman isn’t in it. That his blinding bright prince will just become a dying star, gone yet somehow at the turn of every corner. 

Virgil gets scared when Roman has his bad days. And when he gets scared and helpless Virgil gets mad. These past few weeks the walls of their house have shook from the screaming. They start fights over the littlest thing. Yesterday it was the dishes, today it was the organization of their bookshelf, tomorrow it will be something just as trivial. It’s not about chores or books they both know that. It’s about Virgil being so terrified Roman will decide living isn’t worth it and he won’t say anything. Virgil will blink and the only thing he’ll have left is the memory. 

People like Roman aren’t meant to become static in photographs. People like Roman are meant for living. People like Roman are once in a lifetime, the kind of people that make you want to be better for them. People like Roman are supposed to go out fighting, not burn out quietly. From the first day since they met Roman has been his prince in shining armor. Holding doors open and sending glares when people stared too long. That prince isn’t there, and now it’s time for Virgil to be the protector.

But how do you save someone who might not want to be rescued?

Virgil tries to focus on his work again instead of worrying about a situation he can’t do anything about. He tries to focus on the paperwork in front of him, he puts on music and sets his phone down but he just can’t...because Roman is supposed to be home by now.

Even when they fight so loud they’re both can’t stand to be around each other Roma always comes home on time. Even if he won’t hold Virgil’s hand in the darkness, he’s always there. Roman knows how hard Virgil sometimes shakes thinking about all the people that haven’t come home. By 11 pm Roman is always home. And if he isn’t he’ll text, or Remus will. 

Virgil tries not to panic as the clock it’s 1, 2, 3 am. He wants nothing more than to see Roman walk through that door. He doesn’t care what kind of shape he is, he just wants Roman to be alive. Virgil will hug him and hold him until the world gets quiet.

He didn’t tell Roman he loved him before he left. The last thing Virgil told Roman was, “I can’t be around you when you’re like that,” the regret burns him from the inside out. He just wants to go back to that first date 4 years ago when the two of them were nervous and starry-eyed and Roman bought him a peppermint latte while they argued about Shakespeare as the snow danced down from the sky. Afterward, they ran into the park like little kids and built a snowman. Virgil’s hands were so cold they hurt but he didn’t care. They had their first kiss after Roman tied the scarf around the snowman. Virgil just wishes he could go back to that when happiness and love were easier than breathing. 

He doesn’t remember the last time he felt the warmth of Roman’s lips on his. Or the last time the two of them went on a date. Everything is so so cold. Because if love is real-and Virgi likes to think that it is-that’s what he has for Roman. But everything is so much more complicated now. Virgil wonders if it’ll last. He and Roman, they had their happily ever after. This life is the years after that are...messy.

Virgil’s phone blares to life, playing a rickroll every time he gets a call. Roman changed it last year on April fools, and Virgil can’t bring himself to get rid of it. He waits a few seconds, terrified to check the caller ID. What if he picks up that phone and the caller on the line asks in a pitiful voice if they’re speaking to Virgil and they’ll tell him that Roman

_ Got into a car crash _

_ Overdosed _

_ Got alcohol poisoning _

_ Jumped off the bridge in town because he just couldn’t do it anymore.  _

Loss is one of the biggest constants in Virgil’s life. He used to it, he’s stayed alive funeral after funeral. One of the best things about him is that he can survive so many impossible days. The worst part is he doesn’t know when he won’t be able to handle a day, and he’ll scream and shatter. He doesn’t know when he’ll fall but right now it depends on who’s on the other side of the line. 

Virgil bites the bullet, ignores the caller ID, and picks up his phone. 

“Hello?” 

“Virgil?” A voice, Roman’s voice. Through the phone, it sounds tired and a bit slurred. 

“Yeah, Roman it’s me,” Virgil says, shrugging his jacket on and moving to grab his keys, “Where are you? Are you safe,” 

“I’m sorry,” Roman whispers. 

“It’s okay Princey, I just need you to tell me where you are,” Virgil says desperately. If he could just get to Roman everything would be fine. 

“I’m by the bay,” Roman mumbles, “Virgil I need to tell you something,” 

“You can tell me when I pick you up,” 

“You’re not listening to me,” Roman says, his voice getting a little louder. 

“I am not letting you say goodbye to me,” Virgil says fiercely, “Not now and not ever, do you hear me?” 

He doesn’t care if Roman will hate him. As long as Roman’s alive to hate him, Virgil doesn’t care what he thinks of him. 

“God, you’re stubborn,” Roman says, and the quiet laughter comes through the line, “I’m not going to do anything Virge, I just need you to know something,” 

“Why can’t it wait?” 

“Just in case,” 

“Just in case what Roman?” 

“Just in case something happens, or I do something and I’m dumb and then I’m not here anymore,” 

Virgil forces himself to take a deep breath and relax. He needs to be good right now. 

“Okay darling,” Virgil says softly, even though he wants to demand that Roman come home, “I’m listening,” 

Roman takes a deep shaky breath, “I know you’ve been to a lot of funerals over the years and I know I haven’t been the best boyfriend lately...but I don’t want you to come to my funeral and tell everyone how amazing of a person I was. I don’t want you to talk about the good times, or how much I meant to you. I don’t want you to tell people how much of a positive impact on the world because that is all shit I want to hear when I’m alive. And I am alive, I want to be alive, it’s just…” 

“Hard?” 

Roman makes a sound that sounds like a laugh and a cry at the same time, “yeah,” 

“You’re by the bay on the east side of town right?” 

“Yeah,” Roman says, “Remember when I asked you to move in?” 

Virgil lets out a little laugh, “It took you five minutes to figure out what I was asking,”

It was one of those memories the seemed to glow every time he looked back on it. Roman picked him up from work with a flirty grin on his face and dragged Virgil into his car, refusing to tell him where they were going. He blasted cheesy 2000’s pop as they drove and Virgil couldn’t focus on the music because Roman was so beautiful. The parking lot was empty when they got to the bay on the other side of town. Roman grabbed Virgil by the hand and pulled, the only thing stopping it from being pitch black were the gleaming stars. Virgil felt like nothing bad could happen as long as he was holding Roman’s hand. The two of them fells into the sand giggling and everything felt limitless. Roman kissed him slowly and softly, and Virgil didn’t want him to stop when he pulled away. Roman whispered the question and Virgil wondered if this is how the people in the fairytales he loved to mock felt. When he said yes, Roman kissed him again, harder this time. That’s when the credits are supposed to roll because they live happily ever. Only there are no credits, and the world keeps spinning. 

“In my defense, everyone says I’m a himbo,” 

“Yeah, you definitely are princey.” Virgil said, “I gotta hang up now to drive over, I’ll see you soon. You better be there when I get to you,” 

“Ok,” Roman says. 

“Thanks for calling,” 

“Thanks for picking up,” and then after a few seconds he takes a risk and says, “I love you,” 

Virgil hangs up before Roman has time to say anything back. 

\------------------ 

When he gets to the bay, the time on his phone reads 4 am. Virgil holds back a yawn and softly shuts the car door. 

He walks through the dark, down the path to the beach, empty except for a tall silhouette a few feet from the water. Tonight there’s a full moon, the light reflecting on the water. 

Virgil strides over to the figure, easing himself down into the sand. He feels the grains of the sand hit his fingertips. The figure doesn’t move. Virgil tries to figure out the right words to convey,

_ I love you  _

_ You make me happy _

_ Please stay _

_ I need you  _

“You know when I was a teenager, I was really angsty. I didn’t see the point in living if we were all going to die if everyone was going to forget me. How could I be happy knowing that? LIfe was so...hazy. I saw it as just, wake up, work, sleep, and then you die and everything is gone. Until I met this guy at a bookstore on Reed street.” 

Roman’s breathe hitches, and Virgil keeps going. 

“This incredible guy. And funny and smart, and drop-dead gorgeous. And this guy, he made me rethink everything. Every shitty day was worth it because at the end of the day I got to see him smile. And yeah, nothing matters, but I started to think that didn’t matter because you were there. And it didn’t matter because as long as I got to spend as many seconds around you everything was okay. You make me want to search every inch of this stupid place to find that tiny bit of happiness. When you laugh it sounds like the opening of my favorite band at a concert. All I wanna do is hang out with you. I love you more than I hate the world and it surprises me every day. I know things are different now, we’re different now. You make me worry  _ so much  _ Roman,” 

“Sorry,” Roman whispers. 

“It’s not your fault,” Virgil says, “Because at the end of the day, wheater you’re making me laugh or making me cry, you make me feel. Feel a lot. And sometimes it feels like too much, but I never feel nothing whenever I’m around you. That’s what’s so incredible. You’re amazing, stunning, one of a kind. You deserve to hear it more. You mean everything to me, Roman, and I just wanna be there for it all. If you can’t be good right now, that’s ok. We’re different right now, aren’t we?” 

“Yeah,” Roman says, and the tears are rolling down his cheeks now. He reaches out blindly to grab Virgil’s hand and Virgil threads his fingers through Roman’s shaky hand. 

“So you’re really okay with me...not being the same anymore?” 

Virgil squeezes Roman hand, “Mhm,” 

“You’re a pretty good boyfriend hot topic,” 

Virgil lets out a bark of laughter, “You’re not so bad yourself sir-sing-a-lot” 

Roman leans his head against Virgil’s shoulder and lets out a deep breath. Tonights is so much more different than that night on the beach, but they’re still here. Broken, beaten, and tired sure, but the two of them are going to make that everyone’s problem. 

**Author's Note:**

> a/n: not really sure what this is but I think I like it. Roman’s speech about funerals on the phone was based off this tik tok(https://www.tiktok.com/@nickolas_ray/video/6871342210369981702) that inspired this entire fic
> 
> and comments give me life 
> 
> Come scream with me on tumblr @thefingergunsgirl


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